Let me tell you a funny story about myself. I’ve never been single since I became a legal adult.
Now don’t look so shocked. It’s not been so long anyway.
I’ve been in and out of relationships. I was either in a formal relationship or my heart was bleeding for someone or my mind couldn’t function well because of someone else. I could be in a formal one but my heart wasn’t there and I wanted out. I have made foolish decisions when it comes to this aspect of my life. Ever thought of something you once did or someone you allowed in your life and you are like “what on Earth was I thinking!”
Please don’t get me wrong. I’ve not always been stupid. At times I made decisions that I knew were so wise for my age. But even my wisest decisions didn’t protect me from heartache.
Over a year ago, I chose be serious with God. I’ve been in church all my life but I played Him way too much. For lack of a better word, let me say I chose to rededicate my life to Christ. He healed me from something I had resigned to fate and I knew a God who could do that was an amazing God and there was so much in Him that I had never encountered. I wanted more and more of Him.
When I surrendered everything to Him, the first thing that happened was an invitation from Him to heal my heart. This could mean many things to many people so what I am describing is not the gospel truth; just what happened to me. The invitation meant no boyfriend for me till I was okay.
If most of us were to be honest, we would say that most time we got into relationships to avoid being alone. I just want to share few lessons I learnt during this season of my life.
Learn to be alone and love it
God taught me that I didn’t need someone in my life to feel okay. Do you know it is possible to be alone but not lonely? It may be a cliché but its true. Wrong relationships will plunge you deep into loneliness. I cannot count the nights I cried myself to sleep even though I had someone I could call mine. You’re always around people because you cannot afford to be alone. You cannot face yourself. You make stupid decisions that hurt you just because you want to belong. “For a moment I felt like I am worth something. When I gulped all those tots and everyone cheered me.” It hurts you but you still do it. You don’t like partying all weekend but if it makes you fit in a group then why not?
You`ll never feel fulfilled unless you get to that point where being alone does not scare you. Some of us harbor so many dark thoughts in our minds that we are scared of being alone with our thoughts.
Your worth is found in Christ
Have you ever walked out on a relationship and felt like you left your heart and your worth in it? We let so many things define our worth. The bad thing about this is that you’ll eventually get hurt by the people you have given the responsibility of defining you.
Your identity is found in Christ alone. So does your worth. You should never let anyone define you. You do not even need to be with someone so that you can feel like you’re good enough. Christ thought you were worth to be died for. If that’s not enough to convince you that your are precious then I don’t know what ever will.
Life becomes so easy when we learn that our worth is found in Christ. See, I don’t have to go out of my way to prove anything to anyone.
Take time to recover
You cannot love someone else if you do not love yourself. We hurt those who love us when we don’t take time to heal and the hurt cycle continues. This is the reason why we have so many damaged people in the world. Someone played you and hurt your self-esteem badly. However, instead of taking some time to heal and raise your esteem, you plunge yourself into another relationship, transferring your insecurities and pain to the other person.
It is very important to just take some time after a bad breakup. Invest in your emotional wellbeing. Create happiness for yourself. Improve yourself.
You are whole by yourself
Genesis 2:24 Kjv. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
There is no place in the Bible that says that half man and half woman shall unite and become one. You do not need someone to make you whole. You are whole by yourself. You were created whole.
However, I’ll be lying if I said I don’t feel incomplete at times. There are times you feel empty, and sad, and alone. I know there are people who have felt like this forever. You wonder if something is wrong with you. Perhaps you didn’t grow in a loving environment and so you always crave for love from others to fill that hollow part.
Tell you what; you don’t have to continue feeling like this. Neither do you have to get into a relationship just for you to feel complete.
I love John 10:10 Nkjv The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
Sometimes we allow people and things, and situations to steal our worthiness, our joy, and our dignity until all that is left is pain and sometimes-just emptiness. Jesus says that he came that we may have life and have it more abundantly. This means that He is a restorer. He is able to restore you and make you whole. All you need is to totally surrender yourself to him.
Relationships are amazing. I mean, who wouldn’t like to do life with their favorite person? The problem comes when you get into one for all wrong reasons.